Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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