I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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