I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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