There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
