You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
