I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
