The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
