It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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