It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
