Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
