Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
