Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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