She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
