$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
