maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
