We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
