I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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