My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you never un-have a 4some
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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