Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
