so that wasnt chicken after all
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
