Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
