so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
