Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
