She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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