unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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