I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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