I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
