at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
