I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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