i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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