Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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