cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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