He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
