Don't you send me to vm
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
