We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
