last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
