Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
