i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
