we have pet lesbian snakes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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