I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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