Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
