Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
