fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
