At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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