Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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