I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
