shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
