As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
