dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
