i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
