I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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