I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
