I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I party with great urgency now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
