I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
