walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
