my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
