Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
