things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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