I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
