weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
