What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
please come you make the beer taste better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
