is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
