I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Randomize
