I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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