I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
