I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
